Embrace the middle - when the familiar becomes unfamiliar at the same time
Our last Christmas get-together as a team (from left to right): Maia, Richard, Sam, Liz (front), Alex (back), me, Estelle (back) and Nicola.
If I was writing this five years ago, it’s about now that I would do a philosophical deep dive into how embracing change…well, changed my life. Not today. Today, I’m having an identity crisis. Kinda.
Life feels like I’m in the middle of a long, slog-of-a-hike lately. I’m still walking in the right direction, but somehow, I keep losing the track markers. I stop, backtrack and walk around, and eventually find footprints or the track hidden in the overgrowth. When I’m in the bush, losing the track doesn’t worry me too much - I’ve been here before and don’t stay ‘lost’ for too long. So, why is life so uncomfortable right now?
It started as I sat in a mihi whakatau at work (a mihi whakatau is an informal pōwhiri/welcome) as I listened to my former manager, Alex, give a speech to welcome a new member in her old team. Ironically, it was also the first day in her new role as a general manager, yet here she was filling in for the role she hasn’t held since last November. I’ve heard her speak many times before, and she always smashes it. She is the Communications Manager after all. Was. I think it finally hit me, for realsies this time.
Last year, she was offered a secondment as an interim general manager - to keep the ship running during the recruitment process as they say. The portfolio is one of the largest in Council, not just in the number of people, but those teams are mostly public facing too. I called it then - she wasn’t coming back. In my five years at Council, every person that was seconded into another position never went back. It gives them the space to level up with a metaphorical safety net, and over time, that once uncomfortable space of growth becomes their new normal. Who wants to go back to where they were a year ago when they’ve grown bigger than the mold? They usually stayed in their new role or resigned once their contract ended, seeking new horizons.
“Don’t be so attached to who you are in the present, that you don’t give the future version of you a chance.”
If you ever needed a poster child for intentional and purposeful development of people in an organisation, she’s totally it. Maybe I didn’t see it before because the changes in her were incremental, often behind the scenes, heck, it’s probably kept her awake at night too. Knowing your life is about to pivot, but you don’t know when or how, can be just as frustrating as feeling in lack of control to change it. In those months she leaned into her acting role as a general manager, she was both familiar and becoming unfamiliar at the same time. Change isn’t really what we fear, but the speed our bodies are expected to pivot.
What surprised me was how smooth her job transition turned out to be. My workmate, Sam, stayed on as acting manager and after our team got over the initial ‘shock’ (not really a shock, but you know), we accepted it as our new normal.
Here’s the thing about intentional and purposeful development - knowledge can’t just be accumulated, it has to be put to work. You didn't think you could do all that hard work and believe you can put yourself back into the box, did you? I see why I’m having an identity crisis. The middle is the point of no return - when I have to let go of the present version of myself to make room for what’s to come. The slow burn of changes. The familiar becoming unfamiliar at the same time.
Go on, open that door. You’re so ready.
fivefootronna is Ronna Grace Funtelar is a weekend adventurer, writer and curious optimist. She enjoys hiking mountains, outdoor adventures and finding epic places to eat cheese.